When we had Everett I struggled with a lot of anxiety and fear. I was always worried and anxious with him and it stole a lot of my joy for the first few years of his life. I worried that I was doing the mom thing wrong. I worried because I didn't feel like we were bonding. I was so focused on the struggles that a newborn baby brings that I didn't see the good. It was such a struggle I remember not knowing how I was going to get through the next minute of the day. I didn't want to change his diaper. I didn't want to be stuck at home with a newborn. These are such selfish things but that was how I felt. I felt like there was something wrong with me and that I just wasn't meant to be a mom. I know now that it was postpartum depression stealing my joy. Thank God I didn't live based on my feelings. I can say that I look back at those times and I want them back. I want them back but with me having the right mindset. When we found out we were pregnant again I was excited but the fear came creeping into my mind... Was it going to be better this time around? Was I not going to be able to take care of 2 children? Was it going to be me wishing away the minutes of the day because it would be that hard? Would I bond better with this baby? So many fearful questions flooded me.... but this time around I refused to give into them... Instead I prayed. I prayed that I could enjoy this time around. I prayed that it would be ok having 2 children. I prayed that I would feel joyful this time around. I prayed that He would help me with those anxious thoughts.... I am so thankful that those prayers came true. I have felt so much joy and it has been wonderful having 2 kids! Everett has been wonderful and has somehow become better behaved since his sister arrived. I know I owe it all to God and I'm so thankful. I look at my children and have SO much love for them that I could cry. I'm so thankful for this wonderful family the Lord has blessed me with!!
A few things I want to remember:
Vera at 2 months: 11lbs 15oz.
She rolled from her tummy to her back at 6 weeks!
Everett at 3: Cried because Pluto ran away from home on the movie "Mickeys twice upon a Christmas"...
- he says "Oh my Josh!" instead of "Oh my gosh!" LOL
- While rubbing his elbow one day he said "My boob hurts!" Wrong body part!!
- He is constantly telling me he has to "go to work".. then gives me a hug and a kiss and marches off to head to "work"...
XOXO,
Stefanie
